Synonyms: consciousness

Preanalysis assumption: as in general language, so in her secret one, “conscious” is a word of great meaning. It means to her not only awareness of self and of reality around us, but wide awakeness to highest experience, to supreme feelings, “sumptuous moments”, etc. The superlatively pleasurable feelings, sensorial and emotional, which we experience in sexual requitement at its best, especially are symbolised by her with this term “conscious” or “consciousness”. Though for her the sexual experience has often been painful rather than pleasurable, she does not seem to include this experience of pain in this term “conscious”, on the contrary, if the sexual act leads to the pains of frustration, then “consciousness” is the first to suffer: to fail to achieve the requitement is to fail to become "conscious“. This is my notion of what the term means.